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Text Box: “Dear God, from the Dog”

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?


Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Text Box: <Return to Animal Quotes

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named after a dog?  How often do you see a cougar riding around?  We do love a nice ride!  Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less

spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in

Heaven?  If there are, will I have

to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list

of just some of the things I must 

remember in order to be a good


       1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

       2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

       3. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

       4. The sofa is not a “face towel”.

       5. The garbage collector is not

stealing our stuff.

       6. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

       7. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

       8. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

       9. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

       10. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

       11. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

       12. I will not throw up in the car.

       13. I will not come in from outside

and immediately drag my butt.

       14. I will not sit in the middle of the

living room and lick my crotch when we

have company.

       15. The cat is not a “squeaky toy” so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

       And, finally, my last question...


Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my

testicles back?